Today I said goodbye

I've not be to a funeral before today. I drive past Fremantle cemetery almost every day in my comings and goings, often with a small reflection for those in the car park there for the remembrance of a loved one. More often than not they are all older people, no doubt there to celebrate the life of someone who had all the years the could have possibly wanted.

Leah was only 29, and the darkness was too much for her, so she chose to leave us. We were never close friends, but I always think of her fondly, and remember her as one of those people who was all smiles, and lites up a room. She only went to my school for 2 years, yet she was loved by all, such was her big heart and her infectious smiles.

So we came together, old Ionians a plenty. Sister Mary, always remembering everyone no matter how many years have passed. Grief was too much for some, and for others, they seemed numb, still disbelieving. We listened to stories of her life, the joy she brought her friends, and how very much she'll be missed.

Time came to say our final goodbye. Family and closest friends went up to her coffin first, to write words of love and goodbyes on the casket, and to place a flower, or a kiss. I watch her best friend, who I know quite well just fall apart. She walked back shaking, heaving and broken, saying her final goodbye to someone she loved so dearly; it was like she didn't want to say goodbye, because then she would really be gone. She sat in front of me comforted by her Mother, and as her Mother tried to console her, my heart broken a little bit too. I can't begin to imagine the depth of her grief.

It was my turn to say goodbye, I made my way up slowly to her casket. I stood and looked at it finding it so hard to believe that in there lay a dead girl, one who had been so alive. I touched the casket, and to my surprise it was very warm. I wished her peace, but could not help but wish I believed in heaven. Some faith would have been a comfort today, instead it leaves my mind reeling with thoughts, of is this all there is?

Now I'm home, the birds still chirp, the sky is still blue, children still play and life continues. Not even a second of time stands still for anyone, no matter how much they have been loved. So we must continue on, taking our sorrow with us, time ever passing, hurts mellowing, but never forgetting.


R.I.P Leah, I'll always remember you.

Now I have all this spare time to spend on the internet...

This load of hilarity kept me entertained today:
My life is average
Tweeting too hard
Awkward Boners
Not always right
Lolwigger
Passive Aggressive Notes
and for Magdalena, Emma and Kirstie
Apostrophe abuse
and the most nauseating thing about this one is I think I've been guilty of this kind of behaviour myself

The latest...

It's been over a week since leaving my job, and I am amazed at how freeing this whole thing has been. I feel like I was given my soul back when I walked out the door and left Zenith; and now I feel as if I have control over my own destiny again. I'm living my life, not having others map out how it will be played for me.

So today I went along to the creche that Liz works at to meet the ladies there, and they have offered me some work, so yay! It doesn't pay heaps, but it's some income for the time being. Also it will allow me time to work on the Emma Page thing. As an added bonus I get to us the gym there too, which will be great. It will be lovely to be able to do that with Liz straight after work.

I'm excited about Emma Page as I've always wanted to essentially work for myself, but I've never known how I should go about it. Worst case scenario, if it doesn't pan out all I have lost is some time. Best case scenario I make a partial income out of it, and I get to work the hours I want to.

I'm really keen on not having to work full time. The idea of going back to a full time job just makes me feel incredibly panicked and anxious, so if I can avoid that I will. I'm sure I'll go back to a full time job at some point in my life, but I think for now my sanity couldn't take doing what I was doing.

What was Tony's old study is half cleared out ready to make room for a student. Renee has offered us a loan of the single bed they had in Holland Street when they had students with them. The thing I like about it is you can elect to have students that only need a month, or a couple of months, and have a break between people. We'll start with a short stint, see how that effects our lifestyle and go from there.

Hell is Zenith

I can't remember the last time I was this miserable and down about my life. I have had the worst day at work in recorded history today.

I have just applied for 2 new jobs.

I am truly dying in my current position, and can't wait to shrugg off this black cloud that has been over me for the last year.

Anything has to be better than this. I'd even sooner scrub toilets.

It's been a while

I haven't posted anything here for an age!! So I thought I'd do a quick simple thing. I like this idea, it makes you think. I stole the idea off 'Throw the Rice' whilst searching for wedding ideas. So what you do is highlight what you have done and leave the rest. I've changed a few to be more relevant to Oz.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited The Gold Coast
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Ayers Rock
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Benn a guide/scout
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Daintree
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year's Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Giant Prawn in person
96. Swam at Cable Beach
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Not too bad an effort I think! 48 out of 99.

Character Strengths

I found this to be interesting. Discover your character strengths in 15 minutes.

I'm not surprised by the first one, in fact when I read the list of character strengths I thought that would come out on top, but the one about wisdom is a surprise. Also 'spirituality/faith/God' stuff came out last.

I often wonder if there is a bit of a gap in my psyche with that stuff. Would I be a better/smarter/stronger/nicer/calmer person if I did something towards spirituality? By that I don't even necessarily mean 'God' as such, but more wonder at the world and our place within it. I guess in a sense I see spirituality to be a humbling experience where we consider the bigger picture, and realise there is more to it all than just ourselves.



Your Top Character Strength

Capacity to love and be loved
You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.
Your Second Character Strength

Gratitude
You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.
Your Third Character Strength

Perspective (wisdom)
Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.
Your Fourth Character Strength

Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.
Your Fifth Character Strength

Humor and playfulness
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

Spray on pants

According to Judah Friedlander and his 'bad art' collection this is the gayest poster ever