Losing my shit

I've never been one of those hormonal crazy women, one minute they are happy next they think it's quite reasonable to remove your testicles simply because you looked at them sideways. I've always been level headed and even on days where I know my hormones are making me feel not myself I can recognise that, and not let them get the better of me. Keep to myself, and not get mad at silly things that would not normally bother me.

NOT TODAY!! Nope, today Melinda's full blown crazy evil twin came out with avengance. It really is quite phenomenal just how much these baby hormones can make me lose control and be completely irrational. It makes me wonder how many women we dub 'crazy', 'immature' or 'irrational' are just slaves to their own hormone fluctuations, and i am just one of those lucky women that this doesn't usually happens to in much of an extreme.

So this morning, the alarm went off, as usual I lay in bed thinking about what I would wear to work today. Blank. More thinking. Nothing. Plan B, get up, rifle through wardrobe and chest of draws only to be accosted by clothing that is too small, or hand me down maternity clothes from my sister that are miles too big. The only things that do fit me right now are way too casual for an office environment (stripey cotton summer dresses a plenty). Oh wait here's a top, nope it has a great big moth hole in the front! Shit! It's OK, here is another one, fuck it has paint on it??!! Give one of Jane's maternity tops a go, look like I am wearing a sack. 5 minutes to go before I have to leave for work with Tony. I have nothing on but pants and a bra, have had no breakfast, no shower, nothing ready for lunch, no makeup done and of course nothing in which I can leave the house wearing. MELT DOWN!! It is all too hard, I lose my shit, call work and tell them I'm sick and not coming in, and promptly dive back under the doona to cry my heart out in frustration and disappointment at my feeble self.

Tony is gone, the feeling of being rushed and stressed is over; with a hot cup of tea in hand and a loving look from a worried Shinny sitting at my feet I manage to pull myself together. I feel quite exhausted from that little mental roller coaster, but I must try not to be too hard on myself, I know I'm not actually that crazy woman, I'm just doing the best I can with the tools I have, and all I can expect from myself is to do what feels right and what I can cope with at the time.

No waiting for my Mum to come pick me up and take me clothes shopping. We will not have a repeat of this tomorrow!