Warning this is a rant
As most of you know I am back on my skin medication. I don't think any of you knew me when I had bad skin. It was awful, my face was always red and blotchy and I'd get terribly painful cyst like pimples under the surface of my skin. It made me very self concious, I had low self esteem and just generally felt like the ugliest person on the planet. So that's some back story for you.
The first time around I didn't have too many problems, a couple of difficult days, but most of the time I forgot I was even taking the stuff. The results were nothing short of miraculous, and it felt like that was the best thing I'd done for myself in years. My self confidance sored, I felt good about myself, I didn't feel the need to always wear makeup, and I didn't feel the need to hide my face in case I scared any small children.
A year and a half on and the medication had worn off, so back to the dermatologist for round two. I knew it only lasted so long, and as I done it before I wasn't concerned about all the 'scary' side effects I'd been hearing about, I knew I'd be fine.
WRONG!!!
I'm at home today as my eyes are ridiculously sensative to the light. My computer screen is turned down low, I'm wearing sunglasses in the dark and still I am squinting. My skin is like paper, every time I knock something I get a cut or graze. My eczema is flaring up and the worst I have ever seen it. My lips need constatant lip balm or I fear they will shrivle up and drop off. I am an emotional wreck 1 out of every 3 days, and just generally not myself. My imune system isn't at it's robust best either.
The eye thing is driving me insane, but I think the worst is the emotional stuff. I constantly get confused as to whether I am really upset and hurt by something, or if I am just reacting badly because I am on an emotional low. I find it very hard to talk about stuff because I don't know if what I feel is real waranted anxiety, or I'm just being a nut case. I don't like being touched, and generally want to be ignored and invisible when I am feeling agetated.
I'm sure you are all thinking that I should stop taking this stuff immediatly, but I won't. To me a few months more of putting up with this is worth the years of not loking like a freak, and feeling like I don't deserve a happy life. It's amazing how deeply your perception of your own looks can effect your self worth.
So if I'm acting weird, I just ask that you give me some space, and try to understand.
over and out
posted by Milly @ 5:27 PM
6 Comments
6 Comments:
Would it pay to look at the things that have changed since the first time your took the drugs ?
I know you're gonna have a fit, but your diet for one would have changed a fair bit I'm imagining. Are you as active ?
Anyway, hopefully it gets better. More importantly hopefully I'm not aroudn when you're having a tanty :)
I'm assuming Roaccutane? Well we've had this discussion before haven't we.
http://www.accutaneaction.com/
But in any case, it's hard to prove whether drug caused problems, or acne caused problems. All I know is if it was me, I'd be searching for some other treatment. Perhaps Minomycin or something. Anyway it's your choice, just voicing my concerns.
Aaron - I'm in better shape now that the last time I started taking the stuff and I eat better WAY better. I ate all kinds of crap when I lived with Al and Ben. I only started running etc after I had finished the medication.
As for me and tanty's, I don't do tanty's. It's more just shit going on in my head that never sees the light of day.
Adam - Yes Roaccutane, I've tried everything else including minomycin and nothing has had much of an effect. I guess my rant is more of a way to let you guys know if I'm being weird, you know why, and to have a whinge because I feel gross. Chances are I'll feel fine tomorrow.
thanks both for your concern xx
I thought something was goin' on with you pumpkin. I had no idea what though :) (not quite that perceptive). Thanks for letting all your loving friends know where you're at so we can be there for you. Or not there. Or make you be not there, as in invisible, if that's what you'd prefer :P Hope it's all worth it.
Thanks Em, you support is very much appreciated.
I recently went off the pill to try and lower my blood pressure so Mark and I could go diving. Once off it, my skin broke out like the surface of the moon. I have to say make-up will only cover so much and you feel like shit. My doctor said at our age diet will not be the cause in skin problems and that it is down to hormones (too much testosterone). In effect, we should be having babies! I am on a new pill which within two weeks has really made a difference, but I am a bit lethargic. If you want to know more give me a call.
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