Shit

We talked...I'm still confused

Needful things

I can feel change tugging at my sleeve. My true needs, my subconscious mind, no matter how I try to suppress it has risen to the foreground of my daily thoughts. I can't seem to hold it back any more.

I really need some space and private quiet time. I thought I'd have to bite the bullet and move house, but it looks like my luck is holding and the tides are shifting without me having to do anything.

So Ben is almost definitely taking the job in Azerbaijan, he'll be away 6 weeks out of every 8, and Al is at Renee's 50% of the time. So basically I will soon have the house to myself a lot of the time...perfect! I'm sure I will get sick of being on my own eventually, and miss the boys company. But at this point in time, I really need my own space.

I'm really looking forward to going away to Melbourne and spending some 'quality time' with my Mum and sister Jane. I think I don't realise how much I need my family sometimes. Being an adult I guess you feel you need to be able to deal with any of life's problems on your own. But sometime you have to let go and allow your family to be in your life.

10 years!

Last Saturday I went to my 10 year highschool reunion. The Day started with a tour of the school which looks nothing like it used to! Over the last few years Iona has build all kinds of new buildings. It was very basic when I was there, but it now has a state of the art sports centre. So it has a gym with all the equiptment, and courts made out of that special rubberised stuff so that the poor dears don't hurt themselves. All the science labs had been demolished and rebuilt along with when used to be the old original church. That's very sad I think to have demolished such a quaint old building. So Iona used to be the 'poor cousin' to schools like St Hildas, PLC, MLC, but from the looks of things it's up there with the best of them now.

It funny seeing faces that you haven't seen in 10 years. They looks so familiar, and yet so very different. It takes you a good while to put names to faces. So many of the girls are married and have kids. One girl Emma, she had 4 kids already!! geez! But what I found interesting is that all the married ones meet their husbands not long after leaving highschool. That really seems to be the only way people get married in this day and age. They meet young, don't have much experience of other people, and so therefore seem happy to settle down. Now I know that isn't always the case, but most of the young married people I know that is certainly the case.

I really hate that whole 'so what do you do?' question. It's like the answer needs to represent who you are and what you've been doing for the last 10 years, except that it really doesn't. I started out by saying I work for an insurance company and study naturopathy. But by the end of the evening I was telling people I run my own mobile massage business (well I do sort of), as well as the other stuff. I found there were a lot more interesting conversations coming from that. So I got a bunch of phone numbers and promises of 'I'll call you and book a massage'. I'm not holding my breath, but we'll see.

Sunday was a lovely quiet day. I went up the street to babysit little Saskia. I've babysat her a few times now, and still can't believe what a good kid she is! She doesn't cry, doesn't whinge, nothing! She's just so content to go with the flow it's fabulous!! So I got to her house where I fed her lunch, then put her to bed (too easy). After that I had their lovely old quiet house all to myself to do some study. I sat outside with the seabreeze floating by me and the sun tickling my toes which stuck out from my little shady spot.

Then late that arvo I decided to take my new bike for a proper test run. So I rode to my Mum's place in Munster. It was a really nice ride there. My legs felt like jelly though when I got off the bike. The ride home in the dark was a tad precarious though. I almost rode straight into a bollard which scared the crap out of me. Also some of the darker bike paths were hard to keep track of.

So all in all a lovely weekend!

Sabotage

I am constantly doing stupid things to sabotage my own happiness...why do I do it?

Oh and the whole fate and destiny thing, well if I am listening for signs, one came up today that tells me to run a mile...I think I will.

Is it fate?

I've never been one to believe in fate, destiny or 'the universe' having any say in the way my life works out. I've always rolled my eyes at people who believe in star signs and all of that stuff.

But this week has made me stop and wonder. Something so far fetched happened in regards to someone I know it's really got me thinking. I'm giving something a chance that I normally wouldn't even slightly bother with.

I think I'm an idiot, and its going to be a flop and I'm going to kick myself and say 'see fate is crap! You should just listen to your instincts!' But I just can't help myself I wanna give this possibility a go.

What a day

It's almost one AM and I've only just gotten home from the BIGGEST day of babysitting EVER! I arrived at Brad and Annita's at the requested hour of 7am to find that Ellie (my 6 year old charge for the day) wasn't even home yet, she had been at a friends house and was being dropped off soon. So I made myself a coffee and sat out on the verandah and admired the amazing view of Cottesloe beach. My mind boggles at what this huge house with ocean views must cost!

Ellie eventually got home and was devastated to find out she wouldn't have time for her usual Sunday morning routine of Surf Life savers. This is the point at which the whinging started, and didn't cease for quite some time.

Annita finally finished doing her face and made her way out the door with instructions for me to await Brad's call for details for the rest of the day.

Ellie and I spent our morning eating breakfast, watching cartoons, having me french braid her hair (I think this skill gets me more babysitting gigs than anything else, little girls love it!), playing Barbies, having me read her books, paddling in the pool, playing in the park and at one point we even had a nap on the couch together! The phone finally rang, it was Brad (Ellie's Dad) to tell me a car was coming for us at 1pm.

It took me a little while to convince Ellie than going totally nude bar a pair of gumboots probably wouldn't be socially acceptable at Sandleford. So pretty sun dress donned, with braids, hat, about a liter of sunscreen (totally unforgivable in the babysitting world to let peoples kids get burnt), and her most favourite Barbie sandals that only took me an hour to find both of, we finally set off for 'A Day on the Green'. It's quite nice being chauffeur driven in a Mercedes!

We arrived at the ticket station to collect our 'all access' VIP passes, and made our way in to find Brad. I called him and he was backstage, he came to find us, then took us backstage with him to watch the rest of Alex Lloyd from the wings which was wicked. I'm not a huge Alex Lloyd fan, but it was great none the less. Brad tried to explain to Ellie a bit about 'what Daddy's job is'. She wasn't too interested, so he gave up and directed us to the VIP tent for some food. What a spread they had too! The two of us wasted no time in getting a nice plateful each of yummy lunch time snacks. Most of the people in the VIP tent were half cut. It's always interesting to watch drunk people in the middle of the day when you're totally sober!

We then checked out the kids area which consisted of face painting, balloon animals, bouncy castles and the like. A few hours spent there, then back to the VIP tent and more 'Daddy time' with Brad. Brad's a really lovely guy and I feel for him a bit. He doesn't seem to get much time to spend with Ellie working so hard all the time. Today was the first time all week he had seen her. But then I guess if you want a multimillion dollar house in Cottesloe that's what you have to do.

Whilst getting dessert and coffee we just happened to bump into Tim Freedman(sp?) from the Whitlams. That was kinda surreal. And well the rest of the arvo was a blur. We finally had another car pick us up to go home at 7pm. After physically dragging Ellie away from her Mother (God I hate having to do that), we got in the car where she then threw a tantrum. I think it was the whole very tired and too much sugar combo that did it. We got back to the house, it took me an hour to get her to sleep due to the constant 'I want Mummy's. As hard work as the tantrums can be, she can be a beautiful child, and went to sleep hugging my hand cause she didn't want me to go. After that I sat and stared at foxtel till they got back at 12.30am. Brad gave me a big wad of cash, was obviously very appreciative as always and sent me on my way. I'm so tired I don't even know how much it is actually.

Now for sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

You Sicko

The sharing and caring just never ends at my house! I have a cold, I'm a phlegm making factory..oooh goodie!!

Vouchers

The other day Alex gave me a gift voucher...not any gift voucher, but one for 'house de-grossification'. It came about after I donated a massage for his dread lock selling, fundraising caper. Previously it was just a verbal arrangement, but he went to all this trouble to make up a special certificate for me. It lists all the wonderful things I do when I clean the house (like scrub the toilet), and then the final thing on the list is to buy 2 bunches of flowers for the house! Awww...how sweet! Al is such a thoughtful person sometimes.

As if one gift voucher wasn't enough Ben gave me one too! Ben's voucher was for a tizzy dinner at an expensive restaurant of my choice. We've talked a few times about getting all dolled up to go out for a flash drunken dinner but we've never done it.

I think both of the guys know I've been a bit stressed with our current living arrangements. It's really nice to know that in their own funny ways they care about how I feel and are making an effort to make sure I'm happy. I'm lucky to have such wonderful friends.

Boner needs a date

This was the title of the e-mail I received last Thursday from Steve, asking me if I'd be his 'date' for a work function.
First thought: Do I have a dress?
Second thought: Alex and Ben are going to pay out on me big time
Third thought: fuck 'em

So young Mr Boner came and picked me up for our 'date' in his Mum's car, apparently his died or something. We were running late, and as is always the way, we couldn't find anywhere to park. We eventually found a spot and made our way up to the function room at the Hyatt where I was introduced to Steve's colleges. They were all lovely people and made plenty of effort to chat to me which always makes it easier when you're in a room full of strangers.

The night consisted of talking, eating yummy curries, drinking and watching dancing. I just couldn't bring myself to join the conga line, despite how fun it looked!

There were a few jokes running about in regards to the ladies Steve brings to events. Something about going in alphabetical order ABC, then a huge jump to M. Probably best if I'm a bit in the dark there. On top of that some other guy Steve knows came by to tell him he 'approved' of me as Steve's date. Hmmm

So all in all it was a very pleasant evening and a nice excuse to get all dressed up. Also I managed to get on of his colleges to call him 'Boner'....My job is done!

I am about to explode

I'm hard pushed to anger, but this week has been a corker! I won't go into great detail here, but the things that have been really pissing me off have been brought out into the open and are being resolved. Some 'rules' or 'guidelines' are being put into place so we can all live harmoniously. I'm not totally convinced it will work, but I'm willing to give it some time.

In other news I went shopping for bathers today and also got really pissed off there too! So here are the choices ladies: teenie weenie bikins or a lovely simple black one pieces bathing suit(what i want)...oh no BUT WAIT!!! You need to be a D CUP to fit into any of them!!! They have these specific C/D/DD cup tags on them...and let be honest I'm no way NEAR that!! So there seems to be no middle group. These manufacturers seem to think you're either tiny and can get away with a bikini or your rather big also having gianormous boobs and you'll want a one piece with extra support. What about me in the middle??? huh??

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!! Where is Ben's 5 Iron?

What a champ!

Today Adam and I ran 'the bridges', so 10km basically. I'm very impressed that he can run that far in a period of 6 weeks!! Puts my attempts to shame that's for sure! It was a really pleasant run despite running against the wind for a while, and we even managed to not get the sun on my already burnt skin.

Yup I burnt my back, arms, chest AND the back of my legs...mother f*cker!! Whilst babysitting Saskia (my now regular Tue gig). Sas and I decided to go on a big beach adventure! So we filled up the pram with buckets, spades, baby sunscreen, sandwiches, water and various other beach like paraphenalia and head off!

First we went to Leighton dog beach where Sas pointed and giggled at all the 'doggies' (which she tells me repeatedly go woof), and 'birdies'. Sas then runs about bare-assed for a while until an Alaskan malamu decides to stick it's cold nose up her bum. WHY do people not come and remove their dogs when they are obviously being a problem??!!??!! WHY? After I re-nappied her and we head off to Cottesloe beach. There was a lot of cute gurgling, and MUMUMUMUMUM noises the whole way there, oh and lots of pointing at birds and the odd fat person.

SO to cut a long story short I was in the sun for a few hours and got rather burnt. That will teach me to be more careful from now on. With any luck it won't peel and I'll have a nice tan for a while.